I was speaking with a good friend a while ago about how her husband really brings out the worst in her. My thought after I hung up the phone was: if it wasn't inside, it couldn't come out. It was as if she was blaming her husband for her anger. No one can make something come out that is not already inside.
Before going to bed I asked myself, "What can I do to explain this to my friend?" I let it go and went to sleep. Low and behold at 3:45 a.m. a quote came to me I heard years ago by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I quickly scurried out of bed to look up exactly what he said to share it with her today. This is what I found.
"When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out - because that's what's inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside."
This was also part of it:
"Did you ever hear a kid curse in front of their parents and then respond, "I slipped up?" They didn't slip up; they slipped out what was in. Those words had to be in you, to come out of you.
The results that you're getting in your life aren't an accident; those results are based on what's inside of you. You have to change the inside, if you want change, and you change the inside by changing what you spend your time thinking about. When you spend your time focusing on good things, then good things will come out of you."
We all know my belief is: whatever you focus on - positive or negative - is what you will get, so focus on the positive. That is what the last line reminded me of. I feel this was such a wonderful life lesson learned and I want to share it hoping it will shed light on her situation and make her think about it. Maybe it will make you think, too, as you are reading this. Just the thought put me back on the right track.
I remember an ex of mine would get really mad over a certain situation and say, "I'm not usually like this". He would carry on and go off about a certain subject and say, "I don't get like this" etc. From all I learned in life, if you are like that at the moment, you can't say you are not; it's what is inside of you coming out.
Dr. Wayne Dyer also said - An orange is an orange, whether you paint it yellow or call it a lemon; if you squeeze it you will still get orange juice. A person can think they have changed an emotion or gotten over something but if something affects them and makes them that angry, it's still inside of them.
Like with an orange, if you squeeze it, you put all your weight on it, and it bursts - you are going to get juice inevitably. With people, if anger is inside and someone says or does things that create pressure for them or makes them feel like they are going to 'explode' and they have that 'explosion' waiting to erupt inside of them - they will 'explode'. If the anger is inside, it will happen again until they clear it up.
It's when we are going through those types of moments we realize what is inside us. How wonderful is that? My friend calls that an AFGO. Acronym for Another F$%king Growth Opportunity. I love that. Please excuse my French!
Really give thought to how you react to situations. Do you get mad, angry, upset? Do you say "he got me angry" or "she makes me so angry, I just explode"?
I've written many times about how I do my best not to let things bother me (as much as humanly possible of course) such as someone driving too slow or driving two inches from my bumper or even cutting me off in traffic. I learned a long time ago, when listening to one of my personal development CD's - it's not worth it. If I get angry and allow this person to affect my day and they are oblivious going along about their day - who is this hurting? Not letting these types of situations cause anxiety is really what helps me to keep things in perspective and not get upset.
Ask yourself a few questions. Is that person who comes out when you explode the real you? What else sets you off? Your parents? Your kids? Your animals? Your boss? Your job? Really think about this. If so, what is it in you making that happen? Do you see something in this other person you see in yourself?
They say we are all mirrors for each other. Sometimes someone in our present brings back something we didn't like about ourselves in the past. If you are getting angry at them for that, maybe you haven't fully forgiven yourself yet. It's amazing how once we forgive ourselves we don't get as angry with others. Just saying.
I learned a long time ago to take 100% responsibility for all my emotions, feelings, and actions. So isn't it my responsibility to take ownership of my emotions and not try to justify them by blaming someone else for causing them?
Yes. If I admit that to myself then I can begin on a more positive journey. I can change my negative patterns and behaviors to more positive ones. Once you own it, you have power and control over it. This is something that can be changed so sometimes there just needs to be courage to change the things you can in order to get that piece of mind. I know I want to become the champion not the loser.
When this thought came to my mind this morning, I got up immediately to look up something from Dr. Wayne Dyer and this is what I found that I felt would help. I do my best to practice this most of my life now. I'm human and I don't do it always but I do my very best to live, as said so wonderfully below, by one of my favorite mentors.
Love Your Enemy?
8/3/11 at 10:30 am by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
The poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote, "If we could read the secret history of our enemies we would find in each man's sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility."
Harboring anger and hatred toward anyone guarantees that you remain in low energy fields where problems will continue to crop up repeatedly in your life. Try examining every relationship in which you feel judgmental thoughts of anger and hatred. Replace those thoughts with energies of acceptance, kindness, cheerfulness, and love. You will have to make a personal commitment to, first of all, notice what you are feeling and then exercise your ability to choose to send love.
When your heart becomes pure, your enemy becomes your friend, or even more significantly, your teacher. Your worst enemies are your greatest teachers because they allow you to examine the emotions of anger and revenge and then to transcend them. They give you the exact tools you need to elevate yourself to the spiritual energies that eliminate problems and provide solutions.
When you send love in response to hate you accomplish one of the most difficult things for anyone. As I look into my conscience I can now honestly say, I have no one who I can call an enemy. Over the course of my life I have been disappointed many times. Some have borrowed and never repaid. Some have forgotten their promises. Some have left me for others. Some have cursed me and spread rumors about me. Some have stolen from me. I send love to them all, mindful of the Buddha's words:
"We live happily indeed, not hating those who hate us. Among men who hate us we dwell free from hatred."
It has been this transformation in my own thinking, perhaps more than anything else, that has allowed me to move out of those low energy problem regions of my life. It is a powerful strategy for raising your spiritual awareness.
Isn't that great? I truly do my best to live by this thought process and had to remind myself that as my friend was was telling me her story because I started feeling something come up in me and instead I am now sending her husband love and light as I do with most situations.
This practice had truly made my life so enriched; problems and situations that would normally make someone nuts aren't as bad for me most of the time. It makes transitions smoother and life a lot more calm and peaceful.
As a matter of fact, when I'm going through situations with others who are going off on a tangent, I usually just stay calm and it drives them nuts. It's who I've become. I grew up in the Bronx so I experienced anger. I experienced rage. I experienced anger in my own home so I know what it's like. I choose to send love and peace as Pollyanna as that sounds.
"What we think determines what happens to us, so if we want to change our lives, we need to stretch our minds."
--- Wayne Dyer
Thanks for reading. I hope you got something out of this.